Generically Speaking

When generalized advice doesn't cut it for a personalized lifestyle

We have one child. She will be 4 years old in August. For the past 3 years and 8 months I have sought parenting advice via every medium available. Internet searches have turned into books and courses purchased (thank you Taking Cara Babies and Dr. Becky). Conversations with other moms have led to passed down dog-eared books and newly followed Instagram accounts. Family members and my therapist have of course added their takes. Funny thing is - no person or resource can adequately prepare you for the roller coaster that is parenting your children, because no other child is a cookie cutter version of yours. Heck, even twins aren’t complete duplicates. They run rampant in our family (6 sets between my husband’s side and mine), and I can tell you some differences in each of their personalities.

After trying methods from every source scoured, I’m here to tell you that I don’t fit the definition of a helicopter mom, a gentle parent, a free-range mama or any other discipline exactly. I am instead the definition of Luna’s mom. I’m figuring out what works for her and for my husband and me. Have I fallen short, lost my temper, made missteps, and cried a decent amount in the past 3+ years? Absolutely. Have I started to learn what works and what doesn’t by trial and error of ALL the different parenting styles I’ve studied? You bet. Have I listened to my own instincts and relied on them to move us forward? Probably not nearly as much as I could have. What I’m finding about generic advice is that it is just that. Even “evidence-based” practices apply “in general” to many scenarios. They may not work “in particular” for ours.

This doesn’t mean I won’t continue to seek out and even listen to and implement parenting advice from others. It means that when one strategy that others are raving about doesn’t seem to do the same trick for my daughter and I feel like I’m failing in that moment or season as a parent, I am going to give myself more grace. It mostly means that when we are in the thick of figuring it out and either of our behaviors don’t align with my values as a parent, I’m not going to worry about the opinions of those around me. If you are judging me by my preschooler’s behavior (or my reactions for that matter) in any given moment, girl, bye. I will no longer accept that energy in my life. I am as much a work in progress as my child, and I will critique the ever living daylights out of how I can make better choices going forward to help my daughter respond more favorably in the future. I don’t need outside help with the analysis.

Similarly, I’m learning to accept the advice of others but not solely rely upon it for my personal career and wealth-building goals. Yes, I said wealth-building. I’m learning to let go of some long-held beliefs that more money automatically equals sinful. If you’re also interested in this pursuit, message me for my TBR pile.

I’m recognizing that the only person who will consider my unique circumstances and goals in earnest when advising me is…you guessed it - ME! Slowly but surely, I’m allowing myself to trust my own instincts more fully. On July 7th, 2023 at an accountability group meeting, I wrote a list of goals I’d like to accomplish by June 30, 2024.

As we near that date, I am pleased that I have checked off 3 of the 4. In September, I left my part-time job with a local interior designer after I took on two additional roles and couldn’t handle all three at the same time. We moved my mom to a memory care community near me in November. I have maintained two part-time roles that allow me the flexibility to stay home on sick days, pursue my own future career endeavors, write this blog, and respond to family and friend needs.

We have had two family deaths in two months, my dear friend’s mom has become bedridden, my SIL is facing a potential career shift and move, and my best friend since 2nd grade is carrying a heavy work and family load - the ability to answer a phone call during whatever time of day those close to me need to chat is something I’ve learned I value more than extra zeroes on a paycheck. In fact, as I was writing this, my college roommate who lives in another state sent me a text letting me know she would be passing through Knoxville around lunch time. The ability to quickly shift my schedule and meet her is part of why I’ve chosen this lifestyle for myself. That lunch date filled my cup even as it reduced my already low bank balance.

So how do I maintain this flexibility while honoring how much I value my ability to earn a living that supports my immediate family and provides me with a sense of independence? The fourth and only unchecked goal of creating a passive income stream has been a harder one to figure out, partially because I have been waiting on others’ perspectives and opinions to align with mine. Guess what? I’ve decided to stop waiting for that to happen and to listen to my own instincts.

I have decided that the money I was planning to invest in my next business venture will more immediately be used to purchase an investment property. When I was a commercial tenant, I had two experiences - one with a traditional commercial landlord and one with a lovely couple who were invested in the building and the neighborhood. To say the latter was a major improvement is more than an understatement. I think we could use more compassionate, dedicated landlords, so I’m embarking on a journey to be one of those people and treating it as another part-time job for myself.

Will it be the most lucrative investment I could make? Probably not. Historically speaking, is now a great time to purchase property? Maybe not the best. Will it meet my personal goal of having a (somewhat) passive income stream and fulfill a desire to try something different? I sure hope so! If I find I don’t enjoy it, is there a large and recognized market for me to sell this asset and invest elsewhere? Absolutely. I have an undergrad in economics and consider myself a calculated risk taker. My gut tells me that this is a risk I’m willing to take. Stay tuned to learn about this piece of my journey and how it measures up to these expectations (if I can ever go under contract…this market is bananas, y’all).

I am wishing you all luck in charting your own path and grateful that you’re following along as I forge mine. I would love to hear about a decision you made that went against the grain and panned out for you pe

rsonally or how you’re uniquely defining success in some aspect of your life.